Quotes by Famous People
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,
"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-Lillian Carter

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:
"No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had
ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister,
and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and
a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.-
George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books.You may die of a misprint.
-Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.-
Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now
and then she stops to breathe. -
Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness
and kindness, can be trained to do most things. -
Jilly Cooper

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -
Alex Levine

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first. -
Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,
people would stop dying. -
Ed Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you
a more pleasant form of misery. -
Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. -
Henny Youngman

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.-
Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. -
Herbert Henry Asquith

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -
WC. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had
to work its way through Congress. -
Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation...
as you grow older, it will avoid you. -
Winston Churchill

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out. -

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere. -
Billy Crystal

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