How To Get Ahead In Lifeogetahead

How To Get Ahead In Life: 1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.; 2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.; 3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.; 4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.; 5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.; 6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.; 7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.; 8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.; 9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.; 10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.; 11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.; 12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.; 13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.; 14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.; 15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.; 16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.; 17. I am at one with my duality.; 18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.; 19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.; 20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.; 21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.; 22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"; 23. False hope is better than no hope at all.; 24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.; 25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear browsing the web. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.; 26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute. . . . I'll find someone.; 27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?; 28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.; 29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.; 30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.; 31. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.; 32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.; 33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.